


Never Alone

by goldenhand9107



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Endgame, Canon Compliant, Gen, Steve Rogers Can Wield Mjolnir, Steve's Pov, inner monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenhand9107/pseuds/goldenhand9107
Summary: A inner monologue from Steve's POV during the final fight in Endgame. From Steve using Mjolnir to the portals scene. Canon compliantDisclaimer: as much as I wish, these characters and the dialogue are not mine. Lines are pulled straight from the scene, so just some forewarning i guess.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Kudos: 23





	Never Alone

Steve had a headache. 

The type that pounded against your eardrums, hammered against the back of your forehead. _Bang, Bang, Bang_ , like someone striking a gong over and over again. He wasn’t unaccustomed to migraines like these; back during the war, before the serum, he’d get them every other Tuesday. Bucky lectured him about pushing himself too much, not taking breaks, and the like. He hated it, because, who wouldn’t hate being babysat; but the years passed and now Steve was older and wiser. But still, just as stubborn.

Except now, as he stood next to Tony and Thor, gazing out over the ruined land that once was their headquarters, he almost welcomed the familiarity. The pain of his past, he guessed. It was a comfort to be reminded of a simpler time. One before aliens and technology and the future and gods and superpowers and–

If he was being honest with himself, he’d had this particular headache for five years. Ever since……ever since that godforsaken day that the mightiest heroes in the universe lost. Lost the battle, lost the whole war. With a quick snap and a vanish, Thanos obliterated life in mere seconds. And Steve reeled. They all did. All the avengers stood in shock for _months_ , grasping onto straws of hope with every bit of willpower they had left. 

Once Thor abandoned the team in effort to create a new home for his people, Tony stole away to a desolate cabin with Pepper and Bruce went off to solve his own mysteries, everyone else just …faded. They struggled to find their new purpose in this ravaged world. Steve himself became a symbol of acceptance, urging everyone to live in their new world rather than crumble under it. 

Except, as he sat there, fooling others, fooling himself with heartened messages of moving on, his migraine persisted. Getting more and more insistent that Steve stand up, _stand up for gods sake and do something._ It was an itch, a longing to make the world better, to make it right and fix their mistakes and misfortunes. And when Scott Lang showed up at their doorstep, Steve couldn’t help but smile to himself. 

And now he was here. 

Tony had brought him here to shakily assess the situation. Thor stood stoically, eyes locked forward on Thanos. Steve gritted his teeth.

“What’s he been doing?” Tony questioned.

Thor replied without moving his stare. “Absolutely nothing”. Steve mentally shuddered; arrogant confidence in any person, man or alien, was always dangerous. 

“Where are the stones?” He asked, but in retrospect, it was clear that they were buried under the rubble.

“Somewhere under all this.” Tony reassured. “All I know is he doesn’t have him.” There was a slight shake in his friends voice, one that he was clearly trying to hide. Steve noticed but didn’t say anything, instead putting forward their mission.

“So we keep it that way.” 

“You know it’s a trap right?” Thor asked, any sense of humor and relaxation he’d had before gone, buried under this mess like everything else.

“Yeah,” Tony sighed. “I don’t much care.” Cocky as ever. 

“Good. Just as long as we’re all in agreement.” Steve’s eyes never left Thanos as Thor called forth lightning, and brought his weapons to him. Steve ached for the time when that was the most extraordinary thing he’d seen; now it was merely routine.

“Let’s kill him properly this time.” The god stated. Steve ignored the prickling under his skin, as they descended the hill.

They approached slowly, eyeing the alien cautiously. He slyly smirked, as if their determination was nothing but a game. 

“You could not live with your own failure.” Thanos said slowly. “Where did that bring you? Back to me.” He taunted. 

They started circling them, Thor heading off to the right and Tony sidestepping left. Stevestayed walking forward as Thanos continued speaking. 

“I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would thrive.” He made eye contact with Steve as he spoke. “But you’ve shown me that’s impossible. And as long as there are those that remember what was, there will be those unable to accept what can be. They will resist.” He wanted to scream out that longing for the past, for those they’d lost, was not a weakness but a strength. But Steve remained still. 

“Yep, we’re all kinds of stubborn.” Tony shot back. 

“I’m thankful. Because now I know what I must do.” Thanos stood from his position.  
“I will shred this universe down to its last atom.” He raised his helmet onto his head, readying for battle. “And then, with the stones you’ve collected for me, create a new one, teeming with life that knows not what it has lost, but only what it has been given.” Thor brought forth his lightning, as Steve’s fingers twitched from anticipation. 

“A grateful universe.” Thanos slyly remarked.

“Born out of blood.” Steve challenged him with one last sentence. 

“They’ll never know it. Because you won’t be alive to tell them.” Thanos stared forward, as Steve’s pulse remained steady. 

And then they attacked. 

==========================================================================================

They’d done this so often it felt like clockwork. Combining attacks, working around each other with the gracefulness of a waltz. It was routine, yet also high strung, as the stakes were bigger than anything they’d every faced. Tony fired, Thor fired, Steve threw his shield. He admitted, he sometimes felt lackluster at how his attacks were less flashy than those of his friends. But there was no time to mull over personal feelings. 

Thor threw mjolnir at Thanos, who quickly responded by using Tony as a shield. The man went flying, and crashed hard against a rock, remaining still. Steve didn’t have a moment to worry if he were dead or just unconscious. 

He quickly responded by forcefully kicking and spinning. Thanos drew a punch and Steve blocked it with his shield, being thrown a few feet and impacting with a rock. He groaned, and struggled to pick himself up, mentally urging himself to move faster. He heard clanging and shouting and the metal swish of a double edged sword against an axe. He grunted, clutching his side, before slowly standing up. Too quickly and he might go lightheaded, which wouldn’t be ideal. 

Thanos was brutally beating the god back and forth, punches and throws and pure violence. Steve steadied himself, and he watched the massive brute slam a foot on his friend’s chest. At that, the calmness Steve was so used to feeling during battle left, and he felt himself reluctantly succumbing to panic. How the hell was he supposed to intervene here?

He looked around. Tony was still not responding; none of their friends were anywhere in sight. There was nothing but rubble and rock around them. His eyes searched frantically, begging for something to help him save Thor. Metal bars, broken stones, iron sheets, tree branches, MORE metal bars–

Hammer.

**_Hammer_**. 

Steve froze. Time practically slowed, as his gaze landed on the fateful Mjolnir. The tale of myth, legendary weapon of Asgard, sitting across the battlefield. He remembered first encountering Thor himself, long blonde hair, red cape and all. But nothing intrigued him more than the squarish hammer he had held so dearly. 

During their many years together, Steve always noticed an enticing factor to it. Who wouldn’t? With its timeless enchantment deeming the worthiness of the person who holds it, and the ancient whirlwind of stories passed down since the dawn of man, it was only natural that any normal person (mortal?) would be intrigued. 

Then, right before Ultron, they’d all gotten mildly tipsy and succumbed to their inner curiosities. Clint started with his feeble attempt, then Tony followed, then Rhodey, and then it became a thing. Steve sat there grinning up a storm as he watched them all struggle and laugh, wisecracking back and forth like family. Something inside him told him that if he got up and tried, everything would change. But at this point he hadn’t quite realized it. So, due to the combined peer pressure and guilt trips of encouragement, Captain America himself went and tried to lift Mjolnir. 

And he could. _He could._ He knew it the moment he wrapped his hands around the handle, the leather softening under his grip, that he could pick it up. A breath caught in his throat as he felt an energy rush up his spine, through his shoulders and down to his fingertips. Whether that energy was lightning remained to be seen.

His mind raced with a mixture of panic and awe, and Steve attempted to make a split second decision. Should he lift it? Bask in the glory, smile smugly at Stark and all the rest? He thought of Thor and mentally sighed. Steve Rogers was modest, and selfless and just. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. 

He chose to feign a struggle, if nothing but for the sake of his friend’s ego. Except, trying not to lift something when you could easily lift it was harder than it seemed, and a loud _squeak_ came from the metal. He flinched internally, but no one seemed to comment. So with one more fake pull, Steve pretended to give up and sat back down on the couch. 

It’d been years since then, and there had always been a voice at the back of his mind which longed to try the hammer. To play with it, like some excited child, see what it was like to truly be worthy. Now here he was, locked onto it with an iron stare. This was his chance. To finally wield it, finally release the pent up curiosity that he’d been holding in for years. 

He came back to reality saw Thanos grab the axe from midair. The alien began pressing it towards Thor’s chest, and Steve’s whole world spun. _Now or never, Rogers._

With a deep breath, Steve did the one thing he could think of. He stuck his hand out and _willed_ the hammer towards himself. He felt silly as hell, with his hand outstretched, grasping at nothing, waiting for a magic hammer to fly towards him. But it’s not like he had any other bright ideas. He waited for a beat, and squinted, praying with his soul to see the hammer lifting up off the ground.

He panted heavily, exhausted from the battle, anxiously strung along by anticipation. After what felt like years, he saw it. The silverly part had slowly begun to levitate, responding to his intentions. Steve’s heart skipped a beat, and he pushed away any sense of incredulity; he needed to focus. He glanced back at Thor and Thanos and quickly came up with a plan. 

He urged the hammer towards himself, and it did just that. Fear flitted through his eyes, as for a moment, he was scared the thing would go straight through him. But, instead, it reached his hand and Steve grasped it, and felt the power surge up his arm. He inhaled sharply, adjusting to the weight and strange feeling of it, before turning his attention back towards Thanos. 

With a swift moment he hurled the handle towards the alien, aiming straight for his helmet. It soared, and slammed into the back of his head, getting his notice. He felt like he was in a trance, as he called the hammer back towards him. It felt unreal, having control over something so powerful; and yet he couldn’t feel more confident. The hammer swapped directions and flew back towards Steve, and he challenged Thanos with his glare. 

He saw Thor grin at him from across the battlefield, and, just as Steve’d hoped, his distraction turned the alien away from the injured god. Now, it was up to Steve to fight. 

It’s not like he’d never watched Thor use the hammer. When they’d first met, Steve was in awe of how seamlessly Thor fought with such a unique weapon. It was his turn now, and any worry he had about inexperience vanished the moment he first grabbed onto it. He felt like he was exercising a talent he’d had for over 10 years, and he sank into the movements with ease. 

He spun the hammer aggressively, and slammed the butt of it into Thanos’s chin, as he jumped up with the momentum. He held his excitement and surprise at the back of his mind, and remained focused on the fight. 

He chucked his shield at Thanos, who deflected it. Steve, remembering his and Thor’s first meeting, aimed the hammer at the flying shield. It impacted with a deafening blast that knocked the alien off his feet.

They traded hits, Steve holding onto every ounce of strength he could muster. When there was a beat, Steve thought quickly for his next move. In a split second, he brought forth the lightning he’d seen so many times. It crackled against the hammer, down his arm and into his gut. His whole body wanted to tremble but he kept the power under control. He directed it at the alien, tearing up the battlefield in the process. Thanos impacted with the ground, as Steve turned his attention upwards. 

He focused all his energy into the hammer, bringing down the lightning from the sky and striking Thanos with all his, albeit unexperienced, power. It was a rush like no other, and Steve resisted the urge topple to the floor exhausted from the whole ordeal. He leaped at Thanos, and brought down the hammer once more, only the alien had rolled out of the way. Steve’s upper hand was lost, and he was kicked to the ground once more by the brute. 

They traded hits. Steve lost Mjolnir, got a sword to the leg, and his shield was shattered. With a final hit, the soldier was thrown across the field, and landed hard on his back. He panted as he looked towards the sky. 

He could give up. He could yield right here, succumb to his injuries and pass out on the hard ground now. It was an option, a choice. He was the only one left fighting; letting go seemed so easy. Steve closed his eyes for a second. 

_I could do this all day._

Words so simple, but which held so much meaning. Never back down, never give up. Ever. He’d tried that already. He’d been fooling himself the past 5 years thinking that he could pretend to be something he wasn’t. Someone he wasn’t. Someone who would stay down when all hope seemed lost. That wasn’t him. It never was, and it’d only been him over the past few years for the sake of everyone else.

Now, Steve wasn’t surrounded by those who needed absolution. He was alone. All alone on this decimated field, beaten and broken and holding on by a thread. And by god, he would die a thousand times before admitting that this was the end. He rolled over, grunting and groaning from pain. He knew Thanos was speaking to him, mocking him, but Steve could barely process it.

Steve Rogers, alone at the edge of the world, slowly stood up. He tightened his grip on his shield, and stumbled forward to face an army of invaders, larger than one he’d ever seen. His face showed no fear, reservation, or doubt.

And it was at this moment, when his earpiece crackled with static and a familiar, long gone voice called his name, and a swirl of golden sparks came to life behind him, that Steve remembered. He wasn’t alone. 

He had never been alone. 

And suddenly he had an army behind him, and a smile crept across his face, overwhelming his mind with emotions he hadn’t felt in years. Bruce had done it; he had actually done it. Steve could practically hear the fanfare of triumph. 

War cries from the Wakandans, sparkling magic of men and women he’d never met, ships in the air wiring loudly, aliens and humans alike, all united, facing the greatest threat yet. And Steve turned to face him too. 

Silence seemed to fall over the crowd, as people waited. Steve inhaled deeply, as he pulled together all the confidence he could muster. 

“Avengers,” He cried out, once again longing for the simplicity of the past. Thor landed behind him, and he was quickly reminded. He reached his arm out and brought Mjolnir towards him. 

In the back of his mind, he wondered what all his friends were thinking right now, if Tony and Rhodey and Thor and Sam and Clint and Bruce were all having their own aches for the past. He again thought of the party right before Ultron, and laughed to himself at how different things were now. 

He wondered if Bucky was out in this crowd, smiling to himself at his best friend wielding a godly weapon and leading an army against a Titan. 

He wondered if Peggy was watching him, proud of this life he’d made. 

Steve released the crowd with one word, one more callback to the past. He merely whispered “Assemble”, and the dam broke and everyone yelled and rushed forward with all their might. And, as Steve lead the charge, raced into battle, he knew one thing in his heart; He truly was worthy. 


End file.
